Grab a pen and paper!

To find out what women are (and should be!) looking for in the “right mister,” we turned to three relationship experts, including a marriage counseling duo and authors of the 30th-anniversary edition of Get the Love You Want, Harville Hendricks, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, and marriage and family therapist Amy McMahan, MS, LMFTA.

1- Chemistry

The next time you say no to someone, don’t get upset because the “chemistry” just isn’t there. According to McMahan, women are initially attracted to men based on attraction. “Women think, ‘Will we be able to sustain a conversation with this person? Will I feel a rush of energy when I talk to this person?’ Those are the qualities that help lay the groundwork and form a deeper connection and relationship with this person,” McMahan says.

2. Vulnerability

It’s hard to build a relationship with someone who is withdrawn. ” A man who is vulnerable has a countercultural willingness to step away from the power position in which men are raised to feel comfortable,” says Hunt. ” For a partnership to happen, a man must be willing to be vulnerable and open his heart.” And take note, ladies: this applies to you, too.

3. Stability

This is a critical point because it has three parts. ” By stability, we mean emotional stability (so you don’t snap), economic stability, and relationship stability,” says Hendrix. Hendricks explains that the third part means you can count on him to be a predictable, dependable person you could rely on if you had a home or child together.

4. Equality

If you’ve ever felt inferior or silent in a relationship, it may be because your partner didn’t treat you as an equal. ” Cultural differences between equality that have existed for thousands of years, when women were unequal to men in every way – socially, economically, politically, sexually – are changing,” says Hendricks. ” Women now want to be seen as equals to men and not have to compete with men for dominance.”

5. Awareness

It’s normal to want to influence your partner (not change them). Moreover, according to McMahon, research by John M. Gottman (who has studied what makes happy couples happy) shows that relationships are more successful when men allow their partners to influence them. ” Most women already do this, according to research, but that’s not the case for men,” says McMahan. A willingness to be influenced means that a man recognizes and responds to his partner’s emotions and needs.”

6. emotional presence

This means a man is focused on the person he’s talking to rather than looking at his cell phone or other distractions, but it applies to both parties. Emotional presence is to be emotionally present while her loved one talks; she should expect him to do the same in return. However, according to Hendrix, presence also includes responsiveness. This means that when someone texts or calls their partner, they should respond as soon as possible or let them know it will be a while before they can react.

7. Assertiveness

It would help if you did not take someone who does not ask for what they need. ” This is one of the most important qualities that allows a relationship to thrive,” says Hunt. ” A lot of men can’t do this. They feel they can’t ask for anything, so they don’t tell the woman they’re dating that they’d like a back or foot rub now and then.” According to Hunt, healthy couples tell each other what they need and what actions make them feel most loved and cared for.