The man sitting opposite me recounts an extraordinary scene. After a furious row, his soon-to-be-ex-wife Jennifer Lopez is in the bedroom at their marital home in California.

She calls him. Their mansion is so big he wouldn’t hear her if she shouted. She wants him to come upstairs.

He says it was one of the most passionate encounters in their marriage.

“It was great, but sad because we knew it was the end.”

One could imagine similar intense scenes as Jennifer Lopez’s marriage to Ben Affleck collapsed.

She filed for divorce last month, two years after getting married for the second time.

The man talking to me is not her most recent husband. He is her first. Ojani Noa, J-Lo’s first husband. Their marriage was the model for her other three marriages: to dancer Cris Judd, singer Marc Anthony, and most recently, Affleck. She called Affleck “Papi,” which means “daddy” in Spanish.

The only one of her four husbands to have known and loved her before she became famous, Ojani knows the reality of being married to Jennifer Lopez. They married in 1997 and split just 11 months later.

Ojani is a 49-year-old personal trainer and actor/producer based in Miami. He arrived in the US illegally at age 15, after making the 90-mile trip from Cuba to Florida with six friends on an inflatable raft.

The 22-year-old washed cars and did dishes to make a life for himself. He became a waiter at Larios On The Beach when Jennifer, then 27, walked in.

Ojani is single and still has the good looks that first caught Jennifer’s eye.

Jennifer returned the next day, and her assistant asked Ojani to serve at their table.

In 1996, Jennifer was filming Blood and Wine with Jack Nicholson and Michael Caine in town. After the wrap party, her assistant, at Jennifer’s request, invited Ojani to a club. They danced and kissed, and it felt like they’d known each other forever.

J-Lo left the next day, and they talked for hours on the phone.

Jennifer invited him to the premiere. He wore a suit, walked the red carpet, and felt nervous as cameras flashed and fans screamed.

While Ben and Jennifer’s romance was public, her relationship with Ojani was private.

Jennifer was on the verge of global fame after playing Selena in a biopic about a Latina singer who was killed by an obsessed fan.

At the wrap party, Ojani proposed.

The ring cost $15,000, cheaper than Ben’s $5.6 million diamond, but Ojani says, ‘It was still a lot of money.’

He says Jennifer was laid-back and calm, not a controlling, obsessive bridezilla.

While Ben and Jennifer had two ceremonies, Jennifer and Ojani had one.

After the wedding, they went to Key West, Florida. This was very different from her honeymoons in Paris and Italy with Ben.

In Key West, we visited museums and went on a boat ride. Our honeymoon was simple. “Nothing like her latest.”

In 2022, the paparazzi captured Ben and Jen’s every move. The new Mr. Lopez began to look increasingly frustrated. It was blissful as Ojani and Jennifer settled into married life in LA. However, it soon began to unravel. Ojani sees this in Jennifer’s recent Netflix documentary, The Greatest Love Story Never Told, which explores her romance with Ben.

Ojani says life with one of the world’s most famous women was emotional: the star says her greatest desire is to be loved.

He thinks her desire for public attention after Selena’s success was the beginning of the end. She used to get annoyed by photographers, but her attitude changed.

Ojani sees a similar frustration in Ben, who often looks angry in photos.

In one video, Ben slams a car door after holding it open for his wife.

Ojani became reluctant to maintain the facade that all was well. He seemed like Ben, captured at the Grammys in 2023, looking bored and annoyed.

Ben said he was having a good time and didn’t know the cameras were rolling.

Ojani says he ended their marriage, then says he received divorce papers. He reportedly got $50,000 after they split in January 1998.

His marriage ended like Ben’s. The singer’s friends say the actor is selfish, sullen, and hostile.